Jimbo never has trouble getting up in the morning. Usually he is awake before the alarm goes off and up making coffee. On those infrequent occasions when the alarm does actually bring him to consciousness, he gets up when it first goes off. I never saw much good use for the snooze bar. I figured that an extra ten minutes of sleep wasn’t going to do me any good, anyway. However, Jimbo has seen evidence of proper and extensive use of the snooze bar. Jimbo’s girlfriend places the tips of her fingers on the snooze bar as frequently as Samantha Jones on Sex and the City places the tips of her fingers on her genitalia.
However the good scientists as MIT have come up with some new technology that will “improve” this function. The snooze bar, not the…. Oh, never mind.
See if you don’t agree with me that this will be a “great improvement” to the way we wake ourselves up in the morning. The MIT guys have come up with an alarm clock, named Clocky, with wheels, and after you hit the snooze bar, the thing rolls off your bedside table and across the room. Then, when it goes off again, you have to find the sum bitch. I am figuring this will make a lot of people have to get out of bed and chase this little bastard around the room to make it shut the hell up. I’m also figuring the guys that invented this thing think they came up with something really clever, and if it does catch on, it is probably going to have a large number of repeat customers. Because, when they finally track down this bugger in the morning, most people are going to smash the little piece of crap to bits and have to buy another. I don’t think this is going to be a big seller, however.
Yo, Poindexter, rather than chase this damn thing around the room, most people who have a snooze button problem will elect to put a regular alarm clock across the room so that they have to get out of bed to shut it off-- like people have been doing for years.
And then, to top it all off, the users of this device are going to begin their day in an agitated state, and after they smash Clocky to bits and return him to the transistors and diodes and LED readout of his origin, they will be looking for someone else against whom to do violence.
See you in hell, Clocky! See you in hell!
We’ll have too many people walking the early morning streets-- a time bomb waiting to go off. There will be too many acts of random violence.
“Excuse me sir, but I believe this was my cab.”
“Yeah, and this is my baseball bat.”
No, I think we ought to confine Clocky to a museum next to a display of the city of the future where everyone travels in flying vehicles and speaks Esperanto. And where twenty years from now a tour guide will explain that Clocky was a relic of the early part of the century where people were so lazy they had to have alarm clocks that would run and hide, and they were so ignorant they elected George W. Bush President, and some people argue they did it twice.
The alternative could be that two thousand years from now that Clocky would be a display in a museum and the tour guide would give the following explanation.
“We believe that this was some sort of time-recording device that some evil scientist unleashed on the world early in the twenty-first century. It is presumed this device so infuriated people that violence erupted and led to the end of civilization. This happened during a time when the leader was named Bush-- a man whom history records, never did any good.”
The moral of my story is keep Clocky away. Let’s find a better way to get ourselves up in the morning.
In Jimbo’s world, every morning has something good in store for us.
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