the bill for my rights comes due

Some days I wonder whether my rights have been violated. Today is one of those days.

Archie Bunker, on the television show All in the Family, used to say that he didn’t have civil rights because he wasn’t a member of a minority group. That got a lot of laughs, but in my case, I’m not talking about my civil rights, but rather my shareholder rights. A company for which I used to work and still hold some positions in their stock sent me a letter outlining their “Shareholder Rights Plan,” which, if I read it correctly gives me the “right” not to make any money if someone tries to buy out the company. It appears they have put into place a “poison pill” that will dilute the number of shares in the case of a takeover and make the company unattractive to any suitors. I’m glad the board of directors is looking out for me. Of course, then, right after I received the letter, the company announced earnings that disappointed the street and the stock lost a couple dollars a share in price. It appears the board of directors is trying to give me even more “help” in my effort to turn a profit on this stock. Should I send them a note of thanks?

Life.

Liberty.

The pursuit of happiness.

The board of directors is interfering with the third one. If I didn’t have the “rights” they gave me, then the stock price might go up and the profit I would realize would allow me to pursue some additional happiness. They say money can’t buy happiness, but “they” were probably not sufficiently liquid, otherwise they probably wouldn’t have said it. There is something vaguely relaxing about having a pile of cash between oneself and poverty, and this particular board of directors is trying to keep me from adding another insulating layer. The bad thing is that they are, in principal, working for me, but they are not acting in my best interests. In fact, their rights plan appears to be designed to keep them in their present positions and insulate them from any barbarians at the gates.

It says a lot about a society when the business leaders who are looking out for your interests actually seem to be more focused on themselves and the government that is supposed to be looking out for your interests has an agenda of it's own. It is as if the lessons learned from Enron have quickly been lost in the collective memories of boards of directors who plunder their shareowners assets and a government which has plundered our budget surplus of just five years ago.

You are probably saying to yourselves right now, “Jesus, Jimbo, you can sure go on and on about losing a couple of bucks.”

Yes, you’re correct. But the one right no one can take away from me is the one about free speech, and you know me, I’ll just keep right on yakking.

Because Jimbo’s world is a good place to get it off your chest.