Wednesday, September 19, 2007
a philosophical question
If a tree fell in a forest and neither of the following were there-- Lindsay Lohan, Brittany Spears, Paris Hilton or O.J. Simpson-- would it make a sound?
Sunday, September 09, 2007
return of the prodigal
“Jimbo? Jimbo who?” You are probably asking. Then, you are probably answering your own rhetorical question with another.
“Where the hell have you been, Jimbo?”
I’ve been busy, I guess. Today, though, I have something to say so I am saying it.
You’ve all heard the old joke. The parents of a young child are trying to teach their youngster to speak. He looks at them and pays attention, but when it comes time to say something, he is mute. They have him examined by a physician and he appears to be physically able to speak, he just doesn’t. A year passes and the speaking lessons continue without success.
One night at the dinner table, the child suddenly says, “The beans are cold.”
The parents are shocked.
“We didn’t think you could speak,” says his father, excitedly.
“What made you finally decide to talk?” Asks the mother.
“Well, up to now, everything was all right,” replies the child.
While everything certainly has not been alright, I figured I had said enough, but something in the news this weekend has caused me to speak. And, what caused me to complain is a visit from that grizzly old buzzard—camel jockey number one—Osama bin Laden.
Osama wants all of us to convert to Islam and he wants us to give up capitalism.
Yeah, right, ObL. Right after we give up apple pie, mom and the flag.
And, that is not going to happen as long as I’m here.
The thing that most struck me about what Osama had to say, was what he didn’t say. And, what he didn’t say—his body language-- told us all who is influencing him most.
Keith Hernandez and “Clyde” Frazier.
Osama’s new look told us all that he had been watching the television commercials that Keith and Clyde do. You know the ones I’m talking about. The one where the graybeard walks up to the good-looking young woman and she laughs him off. As she turns away, the graybeard’s eyes glaze in a look of tired defeat. However, this is one graybeard who snatches victory from the arms of that defeat by using the beard coloring that Keith and Clyde recommend. The next time we see him, his beard is dark; he is a young firebrand, and the next attractive young woman he meets greets him with a passionate look that almost certainly guarantees he will not go home alone.
Yes, Osama may be holed up in some prehistoric cave somewhere, but he obviously has the ability to violate his anti-capitalistic credo and purchase some of Keith’s and Clyde’s beard darkening stuff. I guess Osama wants to impress the young women, too.
It appears that Osama, despite the prehistoric conditions under which Bush supposedly forces him to live, can still get in a video crew and get his inane caterwauling plastered all over al Jazeera and the rest of the world media.
Still, it is good to see that Osama still cares about his appearance, because when his man is no longer in the White House, he may have to show up in a court of law to explain what he has been up to.
Until that time, I think I’ll stick with my non-Islamic beliefs and I think we’ll keep capitalism. I could go on and on, but right now I am heading over to mom’s house. I wonder if she’ll have apple pie and if the flag will still be hanging on the front porch like it was last week.
“Where the hell have you been, Jimbo?”
I’ve been busy, I guess. Today, though, I have something to say so I am saying it.
You’ve all heard the old joke. The parents of a young child are trying to teach their youngster to speak. He looks at them and pays attention, but when it comes time to say something, he is mute. They have him examined by a physician and he appears to be physically able to speak, he just doesn’t. A year passes and the speaking lessons continue without success.
One night at the dinner table, the child suddenly says, “The beans are cold.”
The parents are shocked.
“We didn’t think you could speak,” says his father, excitedly.
“What made you finally decide to talk?” Asks the mother.
“Well, up to now, everything was all right,” replies the child.
While everything certainly has not been alright, I figured I had said enough, but something in the news this weekend has caused me to speak. And, what caused me to complain is a visit from that grizzly old buzzard—camel jockey number one—Osama bin Laden.
Osama wants all of us to convert to Islam and he wants us to give up capitalism.
Yeah, right, ObL. Right after we give up apple pie, mom and the flag.
And, that is not going to happen as long as I’m here.
The thing that most struck me about what Osama had to say, was what he didn’t say. And, what he didn’t say—his body language-- told us all who is influencing him most.
Keith Hernandez and “Clyde” Frazier.
Osama’s new look told us all that he had been watching the television commercials that Keith and Clyde do. You know the ones I’m talking about. The one where the graybeard walks up to the good-looking young woman and she laughs him off. As she turns away, the graybeard’s eyes glaze in a look of tired defeat. However, this is one graybeard who snatches victory from the arms of that defeat by using the beard coloring that Keith and Clyde recommend. The next time we see him, his beard is dark; he is a young firebrand, and the next attractive young woman he meets greets him with a passionate look that almost certainly guarantees he will not go home alone.
Yes, Osama may be holed up in some prehistoric cave somewhere, but he obviously has the ability to violate his anti-capitalistic credo and purchase some of Keith’s and Clyde’s beard darkening stuff. I guess Osama wants to impress the young women, too.
It appears that Osama, despite the prehistoric conditions under which Bush supposedly forces him to live, can still get in a video crew and get his inane caterwauling plastered all over al Jazeera and the rest of the world media.
Still, it is good to see that Osama still cares about his appearance, because when his man is no longer in the White House, he may have to show up in a court of law to explain what he has been up to.
Until that time, I think I’ll stick with my non-Islamic beliefs and I think we’ll keep capitalism. I could go on and on, but right now I am heading over to mom’s house. I wonder if she’ll have apple pie and if the flag will still be hanging on the front porch like it was last week.
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