Some things in the news this week have caught my eye. First of all, the firestorm over Mickey Rooney’s bare buttocks comes to mind. Okay, I guess it is just a tempest in a teapot. I think I can safely say that if we were to see Mickey’s buck-naked ass on Super Bowl Sunday, life would still go on and society, as well as democracy, would survive.
Many of you are asking, “Tempest in a teapot? Has that bromide been used by anyone since the nineteenth century?” Others are saying, “Jimbo, you certainly have an unnatural interest in Mickey Rooney’s pale rear end.” The majority of you, however, are probably just asking, “What’s the big deal?”
And, I fall on the side of the latter on this issue. I think the only thing that hyping Mickey’s posterior and the fact that Fox has pulled the commercial from their Super Bowl broadcast is that it has given some free publicity to Airborne, the outfit for whom Mickey did the advertisement. You could also say it gave the networks one more opportunity to show us the video with Janet Jackson’s right breast not being visible and the video of Nicollette Sheridan trying to take Terrell Owens’ eye off the ball. And, all the while, they lament how awful these episodes were as they show them over and over and over.
By the way, if one is not sure of the spelling of Nicollette Sheridan’s first name and one puts it into Yahoo! as Nicole Sheridan, one is in for a surprise, as Nicole is a porn star and I guess you can see Nicole do her stuff if you click on the sites (which, of course, Jimbo didn’t). However from what Jimbo read on the Yahoo! search page, Nicole is a tall, leggy, gregarious blonde with a well-inflated front end who gives… well, never mind.
The bottom line is that any time spent worrying about the decline of civilization that would follow if we were to see Mickey’s naked buns would be better spent worrying about something else, like whether Nicole Sheridan is dressed warmly enough.
If one is inclined toward worry, however, here is something one can worry about.
It appears that the state of Texas is experiencing a problem with pests.
“Oh, Jimbo,” you are probably saying, “Can’t you get off the President’s back? He’s doing the best job he can do. It’s hard work and he needs to get away from Washington once in a while and get back to his ranch in Texas. And you are making it sound like he is a pest in his own home state.”
Au contraire, mon frere.
I can understand you may feel I’m sometimes critical of the current administration, but this time I am talking of other pests. It seems there is an infestation of Asian lady bugs in Texas and the infestation is causing a problem for the residents of the state. From the research I have done I have learned that the Asian lady bugs were introduced into the United States to prey upon other insects that were damaging plants and trees. In their native Asia, the lady bugs hibernate in large groups on cliff faces during the winter. Because there aren’t many cliffs in Texas the beetles are joining Texas families inside their homes during the winter and causing quite a stink. I use the word “stink” for a reason and the reason I use it is that the little boogers have an odor to them. Yes, the little stinkers come in from the cold, uninvited, and smell up the place.
The story that brought this problem to my attention says the bugs leave bloodstains around the house (they are carnivores, after all, meaning they eat living things). They also shed their skins and defecate inside the house. The story quotes a Texas Extension Agent who says it is better not to spray them with insecticide as they will just get inside the walls of your house, die and smell. Because the bugs overwinter in groups in their native Asia, they spend the winters in Texas swarming, so it is not just lone bugs that are bugging people, but bunches of them.
The bugs also seem to be attracted to golf courses and they alight on the golfers. Now, Jimbo is not a golfer, but he did golf for a year or two in his youth. Golf is a very difficult game and requires concentration. I would imagine it would mess up a game and add strokes to your score if you had bugs landing on you while you were trying to negotiate a shot-- especially smelly bugs.
Right now you are probably thinking that it is time for Jimbo to offer a solution to the problem rather than just listening to him lament that the situation has occurred. I guess that you deserve a solution and here it is. We need to send someone back into time to stop the people who imported the lady bugs from Asia in the first place. Of course, if we did that, then the aphids that were killing plants and trees that caused someone to have the bright idea to bring in the lady bugs might have become more of a problem than the lady bugs are and there might not be any trees or plants left. Or, instead of bringing in the lady bugs, they could have used DDT to eliminate the aphids and that could have caused an environmental nightmare. As Roseanne Roseanna-Dana (played by Gilda Radner on Saturday Night Live) used to say, “It’s always something.”
The bottom line is (if you don’t mind me using the phrase in a context where buttocks are not involved) that every action has a reaction and we always have to think before we do things and be prepared to live with the consequences. And remember, Texas gave us George Bush, so maybe they deserve to suffer down there like the rest of the nation has. Anyway, all this thinking has made me tired. Lets all give our brains a rest and lets think about Mickey’s ass, or Nicole’s and wonder how we got from their asses to here.
Sometimes there are a lot of detours in a trip through Jimbo’s world.
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