too much monkey business, or a tall, cold, refreshing bottle of urine with my lunch, please

In the news today is a story about two female caretakers for a gorilla famous for his hand signals, who are suing the foundation that houses the gorilla for sex and employment discrimination. The women allege that the Gorilla Foundation wrongfully terminated them after they reported health and safety violations, and that they were victims of sexual discrimination. They claim they were asked to expose their breasts to Koko, the gorilla.

A number of things around this story are causing me confusion. Most notably, there is an ad for Verizon right next to the story on Yahoo! depicting a gorilla. What’s the deal with that?

The two women reported violations to OSHA and were fired after OSHA found violations. The story goes on to tell that that the two claimed the Gorilla Foundation stored bottles of gorilla urine in the refrigerator where employees kept their lunches. It also says that Koko is a female gorilla.

Now it is a known fact that gorillas love boobies, or at least that is what I’ve been told, so you wouldn’t blame the simian for wanting to see some, if it were a male. I think it is just plain wrong that a female gorilla would drool over hooters. This is one smart ape, however, so maybe her interest is purely for scientific reasons, but even so, you’d think that they could buy her some magazines depicting women with extremely impressive racks, for her “research” purposes.

Speaking of jugs, what about those containers of gorilla urine stored in the employee refrigerator. I know that gorilla urine is best served at a refreshing forty-five degrees, but not at lunch, and not on this planet.

I know many of you are thinking right now, “Jimbo, what kinds of psychoses wrack your brain that cause you to make up wild stories like these?”

My answer to you is that this is a true story. With real life being this crazy, I could never in a million years invent something crazier. Nor would I want to. I’d like to see reality television come up with something that would top this.

Until then, we’ll rely on the truth.

In Jimbo’s world truth is stranger than fiction.