It's the time of year to reflect on our lives and be thankful for what we have. First of all, I'm thankful I'm not in prison like Martha Stewart. Martha sent an open letter from prison yesterday saying she was well. I know I would be even more thankful if I never had to hear Martha being referred to as the domestic diva or the homemaking maven or a lifestyle guru.
The problem as I see it is that Martha is in stir at just the time we need her most. I read a frightening story on Yahoo! yesterday about a number of missteps made by people preparing their Thanksgiving meals. One lady lost her turkey in a snow drift; another guy tried to carve his turkey with a chain saw. Someone else put their turkey in a dry cleaning bag to cook it. There is nothing that makes me hungrier than the thought of eating plasticized turkey. Yum!
The last thing I want to do is lose my appetite for turkey day. It is the one day of the year when it is alright to eat ones self into a food-induced stupor. At least, I thought it was alright. Now, I read a story on Yahoo! that says a proper sized portion of turkey should be the size of a deck of cards.
A deck of cards? Yeah, right.
And a cup each of mashed potatoes and stuffing with gravy, two rolls, a veggie and dessert. That's not enough. Oh, wait. It says you can also have cranberry sauce. I don't like cranberry sauce. Does that mean I can substitute something else for the cranberry sauce? How about a second helping of everything. And since I will skip the cranberry sauce in the second helping I will then be able to have a third helping, without, of course, that cranberry sauce. You know, I think I will be able to adhere to these guidelines. When it comes time for dessert, I won't have any cranberry sauce with it, so I can have an extra dessert (without any cranberry sauce), and then another and another.
I'm figuring that these guidelines are just a suggestion and not manditory for good healthy eating. I guess I should have read it with that in mind. I'll be eating my turkey tomorrow one deck at at time, over and over, until I draw to the strait flush.
Because that's the way we do it in Jimbo's world.
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