Dear the Donald,
I am extending by 24 hours the deadline for your accepting
my offer of $100 for your college records, passport records and seven years of
you tax returns.
Due to the recent inclement weather and the obvious effect
it has on your east coast businesses, I feel it is only fair.
I am somewhat shocked at the unbelievable momentum that my
offer to you has generated. Many of my readers have expressed to me that they can’t understand why you
have not already come across with this information.
“How can you defend somebody for something like that?” They ask me when I tell them you have not
accepted my offer and presented me with these documents. “It’s ridiculous,” they tell me.
Everyone—except that weird guy with the wierd hair
who says you are his idol—is telling me you are hiding something. I tell them you have nothing to hide and that
you are a right-thinking guy with a song in your heart and show biz in your blood.
And you also have great hair, in my humble opinion.
I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
Jimbo
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