Sunday, December 31, 2006

Happy

New

Year

2007

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

how the cypriot stole christmas

Where were you thirty-five years ago yesterday?

I forgot about this memorable event until I was ready to go to bed last night. Those of us alive back then will never forget where they were when Garo Yepremian kicked off with a minute and seven seconds left in the fourth quarter of the longest game in NFL history.

It was the Chief and Dolphins at Municipal Stadium in Kansas City and the Dolphins came back and tied the game with 1:07 left. I remember the announcers were as worn out as the rest of us and when Dick Carlson made the call.

….Podolak and McVea at the goal line and Yepremian’s kick is in the air. Podolak up the middle; the ten, the fifteen….

The crowd erupted because they saw the hole develop long before Carlson did, but Carlson continued with his call, even though he was barely audible.

…the twenty, the twenty-five…

If one listened closely one could hear Carlson finally catch on while he uttered the word “five.” He screamed the word. He screamed:

…thirty…

After I spent hours replaying the reel-to-reel tape I made of the broadcast, I was finally able to make out what I believe was the following, but it was so inaudible over the noise of the crowd, I can’t vouch for its accuracy.

...the thirty-five, the forty! He’s gone!…

However, at the time of the live broadcast, the last thing we could understand was “thirty.” There was the uncomfortable half-minute or so when it was not certain what had just happened. Fortunately, after the thirty-seconds of crown noise, Bill Grigsby came on and explained that Podolak had broken the kickoff for 75 yards and was caught by one of the gunners at the twenty-three. It was just a matter of Jan Stenerud—one of the most reliable kickers of all time—to come in and kick the field goal to put the game away. Unfortunately, Stenerud missed the field goal and the game went into two overtimes.

Garo Yepremian finally ended the game with a field goal in the sixth “quarter.” Yepremian was probably the most notable American football player ever to come from Cyprus. It was a point at which the Chiefs’ dynasty began to go downhill and the Dolphins began to rise to the top.

It was one of those days we’ll always remember, even if it didn’t turn out the way we wanted it to, here in Jimbo’s world.

Monday, December 18, 2006

reefer, man

It was reported today that America’s biggest cash crop is not corn. It’s not oats. It’s not soybeans. No, it’s not even wheat.

Do you know what it is?

No! It’s not ginseng, either. No, not crabgrass.

It’s grass.

No, not that kind.

It’s marijuana. Here is the story.

smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette

According to the story, our country produces $35 billion worth of ganja per year, while we produce $23 billion worth or corn and $7 billion worth of wheat.

Oh, wow, man, that’s a lot of doobie.

You may remember that your mother told you to eat your vegetables. As a country we produce $11 billion worth of veggies. Apparently, we weren’t paying much attention to mommy, because we are growing (and I would assume, consuming) more than three times that amount of wacky weed.

There is something that makes me wonder about this story, however. There are a number of people in this country that grow wheat. They put their profits on their tax returns and report that information to the government. The same is true with growers of corn and vegetables. I am wondering how many people write “marijuana farmer” as their occupation on their tax returns? Consequently, I am wondering how the authors of this study are able to determine the correct amount of marijuana grown.

Almost everyone I know eats things made out of corn and wheat and they eat vegetables regularly. Back in the day, I knew people who were rumored to partake of the fruit of the cannabis plant, but I have to admit I know of very few today. I’m certain they exist. My assumption is that there are probably not as many as there were in olden times who puff on hemp cigarettes.

So I have to think the data are questionable as to whether there really is $35 billion of wacky tobacco being produced and consumed. It just makes one wonder whether we can believe everything we read. Or maybe the way to phrase the question would be is there anything we won't believe?

At least that’s our thought, here in Jimbo’s world.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

jimbo: time magazine's person of the year

You can imagine Jimbo’s surprise this morning about discovering he had been named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.

First of all, just let me say that, unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, I would like to thank of those who had an influence on my life. Many of whom read this blog regularly and I’d just like to say that I couldn’t have done it without you.

Secondly, let me say that I would like to thank all of those with whom I will share the award. I would like to thank all of you personally and individually, but there just won’t be sufficient time.

By the way, here is the story.

Time's person of the year.

Time has named anyone using or creating content on the World Wide Web as their person of the year. It just dawned on me. You are person of the year, too. Congratulations on a job well done and on your selection for this award. It couldn’t have gone to a better person.

Perhaps in our lifetimes, there has been no other event that had a greater influence on the advancement of civilization than the popularizing and commercializing of the Internet. While the Internet has existed since the 1960s, its popularization during the mid-1990s was the watershed event that will define our era. You will recall there were a large group of forward-thinking individuals who seized upon the idea of commercializing of the Internet. Many of them are still around, even though the majority of them and the companies they founded have died and will be buried beneath the sands of time.

The medium they all nurtured has now stretched its power and influence to most every end of the earth. The Internet is like freedom and like civilization. While a few totalitarians still manage to keep the Internet and the exchange of communication from their people, it will only be a matter of time until they will be pushed aside by ideas coming from a cable or tower and flickering on the screen of a monitor.

You will also recall that the sitting President at the time, Bill Clinton, assigned his Vice-President to enable this new-fangled technology, which they dubbed “the information superhighway,” to insure its rapid growth and advancement. Their legitimatization of this technology represented one of the primary functions of government: that is the advancement of ideas of, by and for the people.

It will be poetic justice that long after the settling of the dust and ashes of the Republicans who doubled over with laughter and rolled in the aisles at their 2000 convention at the suggestion of the Vice-President having enabled the internet, the name of Al Gore will probably be the only one of this generation remembered 2000 years from now.

Yes, I accept this award on behalf of all of us. Thank you very much.

At least, that is our acceptance speech, here in Jimbo’s world.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

out of office reply

I can’t help noticing that I am getting a very large number of almost instantaneous responses to many of the e-mails I’m sending at work. I’m getting more of them than I am spam. The subject of those responses is “out of office reply.”

I’m not bitching. I think the out of office reply is great, because one can know immediately that the recipient didn’t read your e-mail. For example, today I sent out a request for proposal to three people and got an instant response from each. They were all out of the office, but their out of office replies advised me they would all be back Monday.

But here is the deal.

It used to be that people took their vacation throughout the year, but now, everyone is so busy that they have to take their vacation days at the end of the year. Everyone is on a quest to use up their days before they use up their year. I think it demonstrates a paradigm change in society. We’re all working longer, harder and putting off taking our vacation.

Either that, or we are managing our e-mail programs better.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this, but most of you won’t read it until next week because you’re probably out of the office, burning those last few days of vacation for the year.

At least that’s what we think, here in Jimbo’s world.

Monday, December 11, 2006

twelve more days and still more money

Those of you following along for the last two-plus years may recall that back in my salad days of blogging, I came across a Christmas article by the folks at PNB Bank in Pittsburgh putting a current value on the gifts from the song Twelve Days of Christmas, if they were purchased today. Before I bring you up to date, let’s revisit those glorious days of yesteryear.

http://jimboandhisfriends.blogspot.com/2004/11/twelve-days-and-sixty-six-large.html

Or, maybe my update last year.

http://jimboandhisfriends.blogspot.com/2005/11/twelve-high-dollar-days-of-christmas.html

You may recall that last year the index of dodecagonal Christmas giving was up approximately nine-and–one-half percent. This year the index of twelfth-night philanthropy is up three-and-one-half percent, meaning the average between last year and this is six-and-one-half percent. Due to compounding, if we extrapolate this rate of inflation over ten years, the actual annual rate is 8.7%.

If you are tired of hearing me complain about the lack of fiscal responsibility of our current government and especially the current executive branch of that government, you’d best hit the “next blog” button, now. For despite sacking that worthless John Snow earlier this year, the administration is still behind the eight ball.

Hang your head in shame, Mr. President. Hang your head in shame.

How can this happen in a civilized society?

But, this is the Christmas season and a time of hope and cheer. With the same spirit that the spendthrift in the Twelve Days of Christmas song cast away his money on his true love, I will cast the seeds of hope before you.

Perhaps the new government that will be in place after the first of the year will be more careful with our dollars. Perhaps, unlike our current government, they won’t cast our dollars before the lobbyists in the same way that Jesus suggested in Matthew 7:6, when he said:

“…neither cast ye your pearls before swine…”

All I can say for sure, however, is that the love-struck dude in the song would best be warned to save his money for a rainy day, rather than laying down seventy-eight large to impress his lady.

At least that is what we think, here in Jimbo’s world.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

christmas poems, christmas greetings and doom

I think I saw how the next attack is coming yesterday.

It was in the form of a Christmas poem. I received it at work from one of my co-workers by e-mail. To sum it up, it was a poem about a guy who was sitting on the couch on Christmas Eve and his wife had fallen asleep on his shoulder. The kids were tucked away snug in their beds with visions of sugarplums (or Play stations) dancing in their heads.

Anyway, the guy hears something out on the lawn. He springs from the couch to see what was the matter. Instead of seeing a jolly old elf, a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer, he sees an American soldier doing sentry duty in the front yard, protecting his freedom.

The poem went on to remind us how there are American soldiers standing watch over our freedom all over the world this holiday season and we should be grateful. This is, of course, all true and we should. You’re not going to get an argument on this blogsite. The sentiment of this poem is absolutely correct and there is no way a reasonable man or woman could disagree.

The e-mail said that we should forward this poem to anyone we knew.

After I read the poem, I went back and followed the string. It looked as if hundreds of people had seen it. It had been forwarded to what seemed like everyone in several of the previous senders’ address books.

“Well, Jimbo,” one or two of you are probably asking, “why didn’t you forward it to me?”

Those of you that know me well know that I don’t forward frivolous e-mails. It’s because I believe that is where the next attack is coming from.

We have some fairly sophisticated anti-virus software that we can buy and load into our computers. Most of our Internet service providers provide such a service, too. One of the things that anti-virus software does is to keep worms and viruses from spreading. One of the ways that worms and viruses spread is that they give your computer a command to send a virus you may have caught to everyone in your address book. Anti-virus programs try to prevent that. One way of circumventing that is for the user of a computer to give the command, themselves—by forwarding an e-mail to someone else, or everyone they know.

If a terrorist can imbed a virus or worm into a little dancing Santa Claus or a prancing reindeer that flashes “Happy Holidays- send this to everyone you know,” it can be a time bomb waiting to explode. If they can get you to pass along their doomsday virus to everyone in your home and work computer’s address book, the virus can just hibernate in your computer, waiting for the day Al Qaeda has predestinated to shut down our system of communications—or worse.

Maybe when Al Qaeda attacks, my computer will be the one that is still working.

Or, maybe not.

At least that is the view from Jimbo’s world this morning.