Back in the day, when Jimbo was a young man, he did a little golfing. Despite putting some effort into learning the game, we were extremely unsuccessful and gave it up after a year or so, allowing our clubs to pass from our possession during a garage sale. The lesson with which I came away from the game was that the ball doesn’t always go where one envisions it will go. My putting was awful and the “strength” of my game was getting the ball on the green. The weakness of my game was the many times I hit the ball with my putter and it seemed to go places I hadn’t imagined.
All of which leads me to a story I read this morning. It seems that a Russian Cosmonaut at the International Space Station is going to hit a golf ball into orbit with a fairway iron, and the ball is going to have some kind of tracking device by which we can all watch it, on our computers, orbit the earth for years. It’s some kind of advertising promotion for a company that sells golf equipment, and their advertising dollars will infuse some needed cash into the Russian space program. Here is the story.
Golfing in space
One may recall the tagline from the 1979 movie Alien that was used in advertisements for the movie, “In space no one can hear you scream.”
When golf and outer space are brought together, the tagline would be something like, in space no one can hear you scream obscenities at your ball when it doesn’t go where you intend to hit it. And that is the concern some scientists have about this whole advertising gimmick. From what I read, there is some concern that our friendly cosmonaut, “Boris” Woods, may have difficulty getting the ball to go exactly where he wants it to go. The ball may obtain an orbit different than planned and join the other space junk out there, and it may become yet another collision in earth orbit just waiting to happen.
Let’s face it, many of us have at some time or other been sitting in front of a television set on a Sunday afternoon, living life as if every second counted, and seen a very talented professional golfer misplay a shot. I have a concern that Boris is apt to choke under the pressure and slice his six-iron shot into and orbit that will—after carrying a few million miles—bring it back into a collision course with the space station.
When Boris realizes he misplayed the ball he will say something in Russian that translates into, “&%$#!”
When the ball arrives back at the space station, Boris and his crewmembers will also swear Russian oaths. One of the space station crewmembers will tell Boris that he should have used the five-iron, and he will again swear oaths, in Russian.
Someone will suggest to Boris that he should have shouted, “Fore!”
And, at that suggestion, Boris will again swear oaths. Of course, there will be some money riding on the shot, as there always is in golf, and Boris will have to fork over a couple of rubles to one of his mates, who will smile and make a comment about the shot as he counts his money. Boris will swear oaths.
Many of you are probably wondering where I am going with this. I wonder, myself. I guess my point is that we should master the game here on terra firma before we try to take it to new and unexplored frontiers. And, if your golfing experiences are anything like my own, that means it will be many, many years before the little white ball should take a trip into outer space.
At least, that’s what we think here in Jimbo’s world.
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